First it was Demi then Selena, my favorite girls have been suffering from mental health issues and it made me really sad. I feel for them and for everyone who have been experiencing this battle because I, myself battled it out several times in my life. It is real and we definitely shouldn't take it for granted. I had my fair share of ups and downs through out the years and I'd say it wasn't easy. It all started when my Daddy died. My life stopped. I was so devastated and I felt like I'll never be happy and complete again. I was so broken. It happened again in college, when I didn't get into my dream university and my first love cheated on me and left me. I felt like for the second time around my world crumbled and my dreams crushed. I felt like my life was going nowhere and I was a complete loser. When I started working and became the breadwinner and guardian of my sisters, I got so exhausted. I felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulder. I tried my best. I worked really hard and put my dreams on hold. Then the two of them got pregnant. At first I felt betrayed and felt like I sacrificed for nothing. I failed as a sister and I wasn't good enough. And then I was diagnosed with Psoriasis and started working from home and lost my job twice. I was so depressed. Anxious. Helpless. I had low self-esteem. I was emotionally drained. I was constantly in a bad mood and got irritable and moody. I had difficulty getting along with and tolerating people. I had lack of motivation and interest in things. I couldn't even sleep. I'd often stay awake till morning thinking horrible things and talking to myself in my mind. I was always worried about the simplest things. My thoughts are consumed by fearful thoughts. I was afraid and worried for no reason. I felt so weak and restless. I was in a really bad place. It felt like I was in a warzone surrounded by the licking heat of flames and couldn't get out of it. That exactly how it felt. It was hellish. Fighting your own mind, your own demon. It wasn't easy at all. But let me tell you this, no matter how hard it gets, you got it. You can always battle it out and win. Be strong and don't let it consume you. Always remember that you are the driver of your life and you'll get through the rough road. Yes, it isn’t a choice, but the way you handle it is. Don't feel bad about it, acknowledge it and accept it. Seek help and help yourself. Don't get stuck and don't feel sorry for yourself, it's not your fault, it's just a part of you. You're not alone. You are loved. You are special and you matter. Never quit on yourself, ever. Keep fighting. You can do it. We can do it.
xoxo, Mai
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