MOTIVATION < DISCIPLINE

Few months ago I was all about sewing and designing and creating. I was so inspired and motivated. Then sh*t happened and all of a sudden they're all gone. Motivation and inspiration were nowhere to be found~and has been replaced by the desire to laze around in bed, watch Netflix and bask in all my excuses and justifications. I tried to fight it. I'm still trying. And I have been really doing my best to find them and get them back but got no luck. Until today, I talked about motivation with one of students. I asked him, what motivates you? He answered, I don't believe in motivation teacher. I asked, why? He said, because it can derail our dreams and goals. I don't rely on motivation. I don't wait for motivation. I just do it. IT HIT ME. HARD. SO HARD. I was putting all of my dreams and aspiration in the hands of motivation BUT MOTIVATION IS FLAKY. I wasn’t getting very close to achieving anything I wanted because I keep on relying on it. I always look for it. I always wait for it. And I always blame it for not getting things done. Don't get me wrong being motivated is good. But it's unreliable. It's fleeting.  If you’re always waiting around for motivation to show up, you’ll likely never reach your dreams. My student was right. You just gotta DO IT.

Dear Self,

 

Dear Mai,

You know, life can get overwhelming these days, we've been going through a tough time and I know that more often than not you're feeling hopeless. I am writing to you because I know that writing helps you calm your mind. It allows you to focus on things that you love and enjoy instead of all the bad things that are going on right now. Writing has long been your escape from the world since you can remember. When you write, you put yourself into another dimension that you forget about your own blues, uncertainties and frustrations. Writing inspires you and you really love it when inspiration kicks you. Who wouldn't anyway? After all, we all need a little inspiration to keep us on track and to keep us going~but sometimes inspiration is just so difficult to find. Too difficult that you just want to give up, let go of your dreams and just live life without purpose. You feel like you're stuck in a tiny bubble with no direction, just floating and waiting to vanish in the air. You have no where to go. Just like a stagnant water. A motionless murky puddle of water. You should know. You'd been there so many times. You are dreamer. You dream big. Your Daddy told you~ you are special and  you are capable of anything. That you can be whatever it is that you want to be. And you believe him. But there are days that you feel like it wasn't real. There are days that you feel like you failed him. That you're not capable of anything. That you couldn't be whatever it is that you want to be. I guess that's life. It's cruel. It's not always about unicorns and fairy tales. It's life. And no matter how tough you are it will hit you and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it. But I know you're tough. You're a warrior. You're a survivor. You always get up and fight for what you're worth. You keep moving forward and win. It doesn't matter how long will it takes for as long as you're moving. Always remember that every little step (no matter how little) is a step closer to your dreams. A step closer to success. So take chances. Take risks. Accept challenges. Accept failures and learn from it. Get out of your comfort zone. Get better. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Be inspired. Be an inspiration. Love. Love yourself. Don't just exist. Live. Live life the way you want. It's your life after all. Above all, Pray. Do your best and let God do the rest.

xoxo,

Mai

Just Keep Fighting

First it was Demi then Selena, my favorite girls have been suffering from mental health issues and it made me really sad. I feel for them and for everyone who have been experiencing this battle because I, myself battled it out several times in my life. It is real and we definitely shouldn't take it for granted. I had my fair share of ups and downs through out the years and I'd say it wasn't easy. It all started when my Daddy died. My life stopped. I was so devastated and I felt like I'll never be happy and complete again. I was so broken. It happened again in college, when I didn't get into my dream university and my first love cheated on me and left me. I felt like for the second time around my world crumbled and my dreams crushed. I felt like my life was going nowhere and I was a complete loser. When I started working and became the breadwinner and guardian of my sisters, I got so exhausted. I felt like I was carrying the world on my shoulder. I tried my best. I worked really hard and put my dreams on hold. Then the two of them got pregnant. At first I felt betrayed and felt like I sacrificed for nothing. I failed as a sister and I wasn't good enough. And then I was diagnosed with Psoriasis and started working from home and lost my job twice. I was so depressed. Anxious. Helpless. I had low self-esteem. I was emotionally drained. I was constantly in a bad mood and got irritable and moody. I had difficulty getting along with and tolerating people. I had lack of motivation and interest in things. I couldn't even sleep. I'd often stay awake till morning thinking horrible things and talking to myself in my mind. I was always worried about the simplest things. My thoughts are consumed by fearful thoughts. I was afraid and worried for no reason. I felt so weak and restless. I was in a really bad place. It felt like I was in a warzone surrounded by the licking heat of flames and couldn't get out of it. That exactly how it felt.  It was hellish. Fighting your own mind, your own demon. It wasn't easy at all. But let me tell you this, no matter how hard it gets, you got it. You can always battle it out and win. Be strong and don't let it consume you. Always remember that you are the driver of your life and you'll get through the rough road. Yes, it isn’t a choice, but the way you handle it is. Don't feel bad about it, acknowledge it and accept it. Seek help and help yourself. Don't get stuck and don't feel sorry for yourself, it's not your fault, it's just a part of you. You're not alone. You are loved. You are special and you matter. Never quit on yourself, ever. Keep fighting. You can do it. We can do it.

xoxo, Mai

P.S.

If you or someone you know needs help, please call Hopeline at (02) 804-4673; 0917-5584673; and 2919 for Globe and TM subscribers.

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY | 04

It's been a while since I had my last #TheSundayCurrently post, I feel really bad for not updating this blog as much as I want to. I don't really have reasons, it's just that more often than not I feel sluggish and I feel like I don't really have anything to share cause nothing really exciting is happening in my life. Or maybe there are but I am just too lazy. I know. I know. I'm trying guys.

currently..

Reading
If you are reading my previous post, you knew that I have been spending most of my down time watching tv series and Kdramas--that means, I  may not have read a book since my last Sunday Currently post. Or maybe I did, I read a bit of 50 Shades of Freed then stopped halfway through cause I got destructed and yeah, lazy. I feel really guilty though about not reading a book because I am just too lazy and I am too lazy to do anything about it.

Writing
I really want to deal with my inconsistency better--whether it's about reading, sketching or writing, for this has been a constant problem for me. So now that I've got some inspiration to finally write again, I really wanted to build a strong writing habit and to do that, first--I have to be fully committed. And being committed means writing at least The Sunday currently on a weekly basis. Ok, I'll try. I'm writing my 4th now.

Listening
Dutifully listening to my student while she's reading an article. Multitasking at its finest cause time is everything and more.  Lols.

Thinking
Lunch. It's half past one and I am still here having classes. I am really starving and I can't stop thinking about food. I really can't wait to finish these classes and devour my much-anticipated lunch or whatever it is the boyfriend is cooking.

Smelling
Fried hotdogs and tuna. Obviously because the boyfriend is frying hotdogs and opened a can of tuna for lunch. Just the smell makes me even more hungry, I don't care if I'm having breakfast food for lunch (cause that's the easiest food the boyfriend can prepare) all I care is that I am fvckin' hungry--I could even eat a horse!

Wishing
Of having a work-free weekend. I just wish I could unplugged into work on weekends but I couldn't. I mean I could but I just won't. I'm crazy. I know. It’s often a pressure that I'm putting on myself, not necessarily something that I must really do. Argh, I should really work on that. I should make my weekend free time a priority.


Hoping
I just hope I could have a worry-free, nice and relaxing weekend.

Wearing
Striped tank top and comfy yellow short-shorts. I'm still in my sleep wear so obviously I haven't taken a shower yet. It's my most fave working-from-home perk. Lols.

Loving
The feeling of  having something to look forward to. I don't want to tell you guys yet cause I am still working and planning on it and I don't want to jinx it. If everything goes well, I promised, you'll be the first to know.

Wanting
To finish all these classes and give myself some free time not to think about anything, including work.

Needing
As much as I am feeling inspired right now, still-- I am  in desperate need of more inspiration--to write, read and design. So if you have a secret to inspiration that will forever keep me inspired to do the things I want to do, PLEASE do let me know. I know that some people just find lack of inspiration as an excuse for laziness (I do too) nevertheless, it's helpful to get things done, works for me all the time. Sometimes, we all need a little inspiration after all.

Feeling
I'm feeling inspired and I hope it will stay that way. So, I am really trying my best here to be consistent. I don't want to wake up the next morning extremely unmotivated again. Not again, not ever. I finally get to start writing again and I hope soon, I get to do all the things I wanted too. No more excuses. Just get them done. Pablo Picasso once said, "Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working." it's a great creed to live by, so I gotta live with it.

GIRLBOSS: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

There are so many things that I love doing but more often than not I spend most of my free time watching tv series. It may sound lazy but seriously, you have to believe me it's therapeutic. It keeps me sane. When I watch, I can totally turn off the world around me and get completely sucked into whatever it is that I am watching. It's a total escape for my brain. It's great feeling, trust me. Thank goodness there's Netflix. Netflix will just  dump the entire season all at once and voila, you can binge watch all you want. All day, all night. And speaking of binge watching, I binge-watched 13 Reasons Why a few weeks ago and it was so great but disturbing at the same time. And as much as I love to blog about it, I just feel that it isn't my story to tell, so if you guys are interested and you need help you can check this link to get more info about it. I couldn't really stop thinking about Hannah Baker, so after finishing the series I looked for another series to watch that will help me forget her, good thing Netflix released GirlBoss the next month and I so love it. It excites me and and motivates me to start doing things I like. It reminds of the things I have been neglecting. It inspires me. I really love it when inspiration kicks me. Who wouldn't anyway? After all, we all need a little inspiration to keep us on track and to keep us going but sometimes inspiration is just so damn difficult to find. Too difficult that you just want to give up, let go of your dreams and just live life without purpose. You feel like you're stuck in a tiny bubble with no direction, just floating and waiting to vanish in the air. You have no where to go. Just like a stagnant water. A motionless murky puddle of water. I should know. I'd been there so many times. I am dreamer. I dream big. My Daddy told when I was little that I am special and I am capable of anything. That I can be whatever it is that I want to be. And I believe him. But there were days that I felt like it wasn't real. There were days that I felt like I failed him. That I wasn't capable of anything. That I couldn't be whatever it is that I want to be. I guess that's life. It's cruel. It's not always about unicorns and fairy tales. It's life. And no matter how tough you are it will hit you and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it. But the good thing is, you always have a choice to get up and fight for what you're worth. Keep moving forward and win. It doesn't matter how long will it takes for as long as you're moving. Always remember that every little step (no matter how little) is a step closer to your dreams. Take chances. Take the risk. Accept challenges. Accept failures and learn from it. Get out of your comfort zone. Get better. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Be inspired. Be an inspiration. Live life the way you want. It's your life after all, be your own boss. Just like what Sophia did. My gosh, my introduction is so long but all I just wanted to tell you guys is I love GIRLBOSS and I am going to blog about it. I have been reading a lot of reviews about it and while others are hating it, let me tell you guys why I love it.

GirlBoss is a Netflix original series consist of 13 episodes and was released April 21, 2017. Inspired by Sophia Amoruso's best-selling book. This series follows the rise of Amoruso's multi-million dollar fashion empire, Nasty Gal. And here are the 6 Reasons Why I love GirlBoss.

(First) just like Sophia, I love fashion. I want to be my own boss and just like her I am dreaming of having my own fashion empire in the near future. And watching it gives me tons of realization about me and my dreams. It inspires me to keep dreaming. Stay focused, go after my dreams and keep moving toward my goals. It won't be easy but it will be worth it.

(Second) I love Britt Robertson. She's so pretty and talented and has played all sorts of characters from quirky and sweet, to those with a harder edge. In the series, she plays the starring role of Sophia, a rebellious, broke anarchist who decides to start selling vintage clothing online. Brit really did a great job portraying nasty Sophia. Sophia really is something, I hate and I like her at the same time. LOLS.

(Third) I love her friendship with Annie, her bff played by Ellie Reed. I love how they care for each other and  how much they love and inspire each other and yes, I love the 'I love you in case I die' thing they tell each other when saying goodbye. I totally cried when they had a falling out and then realize how much they love and need each other. Definitely bff goals. Made me miss my bffs. I can never really imagine life without them.

(Fourth) I love Sophia's creativity. The way she alter clothes. How she re purpose old clothing's into entirely new ones is amazing. I see myself in her. We actually have lots of things in common, including our love of thrift stores and altering clothes. My love for thrift stores run so deep that I would rather spend long hours browsing through racks and racks of old and used stuff than shop in the mall. Alter them and called my own. That feeling, so fulfilling.

(Fifth) I love the outfits Sophia and Annie wore in the series. So stylish yet look so comfy and cool. I love dressing up, it  actually boost my mood and overall confidence. I love mixing and matching old and used fashion pieces. Dressing up doesn't really need to be expensive, it doesn't require you to have a closet full of branded and expensive clothes. It's all about expressing yourself, being you and your style and be comfortable with it. You don't dress up to impress and please other people, you dress up to please yourself and to feel great. And besides, life is too short to wear boring clothes.

(Lastly) I love how the show empower women, the title speaks for itself. Sophia is without a doubt an example of an empowered woman. She knows who she is, what she wants and isn't afraid to go and get it. She takes full responsibility for her life. She makes her own rules. She values her passion. She takes a stand and most of all, she empowers other women. She is an inspiration to us. If she can achieved her dreams why can't we?

So DREAM BIG. Big dreams are the reasons why the world changes for the better. BELIEVE. When you believe in yourself, other people believe in you, too. WORK ON IT. Because dreams don't work unless you do. Everything is not as easy as it seems but nothing is impossible if you put your heart into it and keep a positive mindset. Don't be afraid to fail because failure isn't a bad thing, it's essential to learning. Never give up. When the going gets tough, keep on going. Keep moving forward and keep pursuing your dreams. Eventually, you'll get there. It's exhausting and draining but the rewards are well worth it all.

So there you go people. I hope you like the post and somehow it helps and inspires you to dream big. And if you haven't seen the show, it's out now and you can binge-watch all the episode from the first season online. Watch and be inspired to follow your dream and to never give up. After all, a DREAM is a wish your heart makes. Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving if you keep on believing- the dream that you wish will come true. (I just so love this song). So yeah, just DREAM, BELIEVE and WORK ON IT like a GIRLBOSS.

ctto: All photos from Google.

DISCOVERING DAVAO-Day 2: People's Park and The Peak

Fourth stop that day was People's Park, one of the city's famous land mark and major attraction. It is a cultural-theme public park located at the center of Davao City across Casa Leticia at the corners of Jose Camus and J. Palma Gil streets. According to google the park is the brainchild of the great Mayor Rody Duterte. It's used to be Davao's PTA ground (where the city used to host athletic meets and sports events) and was transformed into a beautiful park in 2007. The park got its name from a "Name the Park" contest by the city government. And true to it's name, it is indeed for the people. Entrance is free yey!

The park was adorned with mini forest, large sculptures, dancing fountains, statue of  Philippine eagle, a durian dome and many more. Check out the photos.

I guess it's safe to say that People's Park is one of the cleanest, most beautiful and family-friendly park in the country. Mikel and I really had fun exploring the park and discovering the rich culture of the city, and the lifestyles of the Davaoeños. Surely, paying a visit is a must when in Davao.

The fifth and our last stop for the day (before we headed to Mayor Duterte's rally) was THE PEAK at Gaisano Mall in J. P. Laurel Avenue in Bajada. It's quite far from the park but Mikel and I kept walking (if you don't feel like walking--you can take a jeep, fare is 8php). We didn't mind sweating. We braved the scorching heat. We enjoyed the walk, I guess if you're with a good company, you just won't mind. And besides, like what I have told you in my previous posts-- Davao streets are amazingly clean and safe and smoking is not allowed so walking isn't really a problem. I was even taking photos while walking, something I'm afraid I can do in Manila.

The Peak, a sky-park themed perched on the rooftop of Gaisano Mall, provides a panoramic 360 degrees view of downtown cityscape, the Gulf of Davao, and the magnificent Mount Apo, the Philippines' highest mountain peak.

With its awesome view and al fresco ambiance, surely The Peak is a haven for relaxing and dining. They even said it's more beautiful at night, with its fountains change its colors interchangeably. Too bad we weren't able to see that, we left before the sun sets to attend Mayor Duterte's rally. Nevertheless, we were more than happy with what we've seen. I hope you too! This pretty much sums up my second day in Davao hence conclude my series of DAY 2 posts. Day 3 coming up, so stay tuned!

ps:
Aside from food we didn't spend anything.