Why do I always find it really hard to drag my lazy ass out of my bed, fix myself and go to work? I don't know but the lazy song's been stuck in my head for too long. Yes, I was able to get back my blogging groove but my "I don't want to go to work today" kicks over and over again. I know-I know I'm such a big lazy ass (and how I wish I could just hit the escape button so I could just stay at home-sleep-watch movies-surf the net-eat-play with Maxx and Saav and blog all day) but on the top of that I'm just bored~I feel so stuck~so stressed~so sick and tired of what I'd been doing all this time.
Lately, I'd been asking myself if what really motivates me to work~ do I love what I'm doing? am I happy? Is this what I really want? I'd like to think yes, I love my job, I'm happy and this is what I really want--but whenever I think about it my inner goddess will pop up and says--NO! you're not~ it's all about the MONEY-MONEY-MONEY! Ok fine, let's accept the fact that for whatever reasons we may have the bottom line, however, is that almost everyone works for MONEY. Sadly but true, I work to make a living.
But isn't it way better if we also love and enjoy what we do?, catching two birds with one stone right? How I wish I could, ironically though, I really don't know what I want~should I say I haven't heard the call from beyond~ the one that they call "the calling" (naks~ano ba teh? andami mong alam).Or maybe I do know but it's just taken backseat cause I have this big-big responsibility that I have to deal with first? Since I'm the bread winner all that I could think is just to earn money in any way that possible even if it's not what I'm craving for-- Booom~ this one does make sense!
If that so--then-what is it that I really want? do I really know what I want? Do I have any visions? goals? That seems not clear to me though, Wottduh--my life seems no where to go~I suddenly realized that I only live day by day without even noticing that I no longer care if what will I become in my future. My gosh-- I'm not getting any younger for age sake! I'm already 25 and it bothers me so much. Given that I'm being too pre-occupied with the thought of "I just need to work to earn money so my family and I could survive each day" hinders me to figure out what's my inner goddess wants me to unleash I guess is not an excuse. Definitely not to blame! We created our present situation by the choices we made in the past and we live in a world of our own creation so it means that we are responsible for it. If we don’t like our life the way it is, then we are the ones responsible for making changes. Remember that everything we do in life is a choice-- and everything that we don't do is also a choice~our own choice. And I guess that's my choice but then again we always have a choice (so many choices-lol!).
My thougths are so random that I can no longer pin point what's really going on with my post--crazy! hahaha. Alright, what I am saying here is that I'm no longer happy with my job so I want to do something new~something that I love doing~something that I enjoy. My passion (andame ko pang sinabe-lol)-- if what's that--that's for me to find out. Should really have a clear sense of purpose--the sooner-the better--time is running~I gotta keep going!
How about you? What do you want in life?
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